A recent conversation with one of my guy friends lead to the question that at one point or another, all of my guy friends have asked me - "Why do girls go out with scumbags?"

This is a question I've thought about a lot myself, because I wonder the same thing. I am much more confident than I used to be, but even during my period of self-loathing and whatnot, I never let someone treat me like I was worthless and insignificant. I've come up with the following.

A. Some girls feel like they'll never get anything better, so they stay in their relationship, in fear of being stuck in a worse situation in the future than they're in now.
B. Some girls feel they deserve a guy's crap. Fairly self explanatory, at least in my book.
C. Some girls are scared of being alone.
D. Some girls actually like the pain they get from a bad relationship. For some reason, some people just like being in a passive, subordinate situation.
E. They truly think, and actually may be, in love with an abusive person.
F. Some girls find "good" guys to be boring

I'm a firm believer that it's not just guys, but girls that suck too (hence, people suck, not just one gender), so this theory applies to both sexes quite easily.

My real problem with all of this though, is this - "I hate him. All he does is make me cry. Why am I with him?" even though it's been 3 years, the constant complaining of an SO that makes you feel horrible, all the bitching and moaning. It's the sheer lack of personal responsibility that makes me go bonkers.

As harsh as this sounds, it's not your boyfriend or your girlfriend making you miserable. You're making yourself miserable. You stay in a bad relationship because you decide to, not because something is making you stay. Yeah, you can hand me that line about kids or financial situations (and I do have sympathy for that, I promise), but truly, if you were that desperate you'd find a way out, and, if you truly can't, the exception makes the rule, doesn't it? You CHOSE to deal with it. If you're not happy with it, try fixing it, and if it doesn't work, get out of it. Don't complain to no end about how unhappy you are and then continue to do the same thing over and over. It's lazy, not to mention extremely annoying for whoever listening to it. It is a textbook example of a total lack of personal responsibility. Blaming someone else for making you miserable is totally sidestepping the truth that you decide you're willing to put up with it.

Personal responsibility is a trait sorely lacking in our society (at least in my eyes), but it peeves me the most in the area of relationships, friend, SO, or other. The relationships we have reflect the ways we treat everyone else, so I think it's most essential that we hold up our end of responsibility in relationships than any other area. Who cares if you end up alone? Is being with someone who makes you unhappy to prevent yourself from being along worth sarcrificing everything you ever wanted out of a relationship? If you're afraid you won't get better - you will. If you feel like you deserve the nonsense for your sins - you don't. Everyone deserves to be happy. If you're really in love with a bad person, this is another harsh truth to life - you're going to call in love with people you aren't meant to be with. And if you like the pain... well, I've got nothing there.

If you don't like it, go fix it and stop your moaning. You owe it to yourself.